How to gently start 2025
and why its helpful to be seasonal about things
Starting on a personal note
Winter calls for hibernation. My cats sleep more hours, preferably on soft and warm surfaces. I find myself browsing to buy the softest wool blankets to cuddle under on the couch. I allow myself to work from bed some mornings, when I feel like I need it. Drinking hot beverages in silky soft pyjama’s while practicing somatic movement under my duvet. A regulated nervous system is my priority these days. It took me years post burnout to create a life for myself where this would even be possible. But I am so happy I kept course.
The loudest voice in my head used to be a highly critical one: the perfectionist. If, by the second half of January, I hadn’t lost X amount of weight for my "summer body" (thank you, misogynist magazines of the early 2000s), hadn’t read three books - preferably non-fiction - or hadn’t started my mornings with supplements every day, I would be furious with myself. I felt I had to be punished by taking on even more tasks, and I wasn’t allowed to have fun or deeply connect with friends until I had achieved this perfect version of myself. Unsurprisingly, this was not sustainable.
I didn’t kill the perfectionist, but a few years ago, I sat her down and talked to her. I thanked her for being there for me, for looking out for me, and I told her that I saw all of her efforts and how she meant well. I also told her I could no longer fully identify with her, that we would have to live apart from now on.
Thank you for wanting the best for me, I told her. I want to give you a bit more information, because you don’t have enough information to see the full picture. And in some cases, you are also misinformed. But it’s okay, it is not your fault. No need to feel shame or guilt and it’s ok if you do, but you don’t have to hold onto it.
She was upset at first but in true perfectionist manner, also very eager to learn. This was the first time I invited all my parts for a town hall meeting. The part that loved play and creativity and freedom. The part that was vulnerable, and needed soothing and slow days and no pressure. And so many others. Seemingly incompatible at first but with some effort and looked at from a distance, a harmonious community. Able to thrive together. They all needed more information and they were all slightly misinformed. But together, I saw, they could figure out any challenge. As long as they did not judge each other for expressing themselves, and communicated in good faith.
So I pledged to myself that day: in stead of choosing avoidance, overriding emotions with dominance, or overriding wants and needs in favour of the - sometimes illusionary - external world, I would choose grace, visualised hugs, empathy and communication by sitting in silence and writing every day. I made sure to create a life for myself where I can give my abused parts all the time they needed to heal, and one where I would honour my body’s boundaries, signals and connection.
Through trial and error, I’ve made it to where I am today: a life on my own terms, choosing how my body feels and how my creativity and energy flows as priorities. Reflecting back, I recently re-read the core help question I brought to therapy at age 21: “I feel like there are contrasting parts inside me that don’t agree, and it’s causing me more turmoil than I can handle.”
At the time, I felt deeply at war with myself - confused, overwhelmed, and hopeless. Some of you reading this might assume this contrasting parts thing was tied to something like a multiple identity disorder, but that wasn’t the case. What I’ve since learned is that everyone has different parts within them. These inner parts go by many names: Jungian psychology refers to them as “shadow parts,” while schema therapy calls them “schemas.”
It took seven years of therapy before I finally encountered this framework of understanding myself. If I had learned sooner that my inner conflict was simply different parts of me trying to be heard, I could have begun making peace within myself so much earlier.
I’ll be sharing a lot about parts work in coming soft realm letters, in the hope that it might help someone else make sense of their inner world. Understanding that these parts exist - and learning to work with them - has been maybe my most powerful step toward self-acceptance and inner harmony.
How to gently start 2025
try to notice it when your tough/mean/unkind inner voice is dominant. we all have them, but for most of us it would be helpful if their volume went down. you can simply switch channels when you notice it, and choose a soft spoken innervoice. you can also create a new one if you like. imagine how you would talk to your own young daughter. now try and use this voice in stead.
translating this to body movement is very powerful. I noticed myself making fast, frustrated movements with my body whenever I couldn’t sleep, or was half awake and uncomfortable. I pledged to myself to switch my “inner body voice” to the softest one I can imagine. So in stead of fast movements, I go as slow as possible, enjoying how my body feels and noticing how soft the blankets are and the mattress, taking a deep inhale, and even taking it as far as slowly petting myself on the wrists and arms. zooming in on the feelings of sleepyness, how my limbs gently move, like in warm thick honey. I have a code word for it that instantly changes everything and it is “yummy”. Within less than a second, my body goes from tense and angry into curious, cute and grateful. How yummy to be able to lie here in a soft bed? To feel these fabrics? I am safe, I feel sleepy and everything is soft. You can also softly start humming. You are the master of your portals. Experiment and see what works.
when you wake up, make sure to take 20 minutes of no screen time, no coming up with solutions for life stuff time, no rumination time. sometimes the mind is anxious or there are other big emotions, in that case make sure to hydrate and immediately write everything down that the mind wants to tell you to do, warn you for, worry about etc. this way you basically make a deal with your anxious part to “fix” these worries, but you’re writing them down to tackle at a later moment. this will calm you down. and when you’re calm, you will see that those worries were probably not even that big or important. and if they were, you can trust yourself to take care of it.
if self trust is an issue, create tiny promises with yourself for a few weeks. this can be anything: from water intake to treating yourself to something, to going for a walk for only 5 minutes. or to breathe deeply at least twice a day. keep score.
promise yourself to stretch your full body each day, stagnant energies creep up on us and this is a powerful antidote. or not promise anything and just try it out and deeply notice how good it feels. that will probably motivate you to show up the next day as well.
what re-parenting your inner child can look like: treating yourself to healthy hot chocolate every cold winter morning. my recipe: 200-250ml almond or coconut milk, raw chocolate powder (as much as you like, I use 1,5 tablespoon), 1 teaspoon of white/orange creamy (pollen) honey, dried spices to your liking: vanilla, cinnamon, nutmeg, tiny pinch of cardamom. 4 tablespoons of unflavoured collagen powder. It will be creamy and soothing. enjoy!
Do the following things only when your energy is aligned with it, do not force it on days where it feels very unnatural to do so:
unsubscribe from all marketing emails that do not serve you anymore.
uninstall apps that do not serve you anymore. I uninstalled instagram and reddit from my phone, and only access them through desktop. this literally changed my brain chemistry.
vision boarding is extremely fun and can yield some craaazy effects. don’t look at others vision boards, I find most of them uninspiring. go inside of your own rabbit hole, deeply get to know yourself, save every image that speaks to a part of you. it can be extremely abstract. I use cosmos, arena and pinterest for this. Go to a print shop to get the quality of colours you deserve, and start collaging at home with scissors and glue. there is something important about this being physical, at least for me.
buy a fresh note book and a new pen for the year and make sure to read your old ones from the year. take pictures of pages that come in handy for this new year.
rearrange your systems: notes app, photo app, asana, notion, etc: do current systems still work for you? can you get rid of things, or make it more clear in any way?
check your app subscriptions or other digital subscriptions and cancel what does not feel aligned.
treat yourself to a new (luxurious) laundry softener, or to fresh a new bedding set.
find out what your favourite teas are
write a list of things you are proud of. it can be your essence, your community, your achievements of the last year. maybe you a younger version of you couldn’t have imagines being where you are right now. it is so important to celebrate all of our wins, extensively.
Honouring the seasons has become one of my yearly rituals. I fully accept hibernation mode, warm meals, no salads, always tea with smoothies, sauna’s and hot showers. I take my time for everything and cozy up alot. For me, this is not a social season and not blaming myself for spending most time alone at home feels very freeing. If this is not the season for you to clear things out or unsubscribe from stuff, spring is upon us and for some that feels more logical. <3
Soft realm read/listen/watch/synthesise
When I don’t want to go outside because my social anxiety flares up, I watch Moya vlogs. She lives in Paris and is an introvert that shows me that every time she goes outside, beautiful things are to be observed and experienced. And I always go outside after.
Dopamine Nation - A book tip about pleasure, pain and balance, from one of my best friends who happens to have great taste. I’m not even halfway and it’s already so good. We are all addicts and it influences our lives in ways beyond our comprehension. Must read for everyone with access to a phone and internet.
Listen to this mindblowing new track featuring my brilliant friend Bea. If Dean Blunt + Connan Mockasin had a bebe it would be something like this <3
Thank you for reading this far. I am beyond grateful that we are building this little cozy community together. Lots of love! xoxo Romy
I needed this today ❤️
Reading this was like a free therapy session 🤍