Entering the Soft Realm
Build the palace you deserve<3
Dear Soft Realm Angels,
I started a new project close to my heart, and it yet has to take on its full shape. I’ll start with a substack for now, and would love to introduce gradually what I’ve been working on in the past few months.
The name is Soft Realm, because I want this to be a digital realm of softness, warm embrace, connection, detours, unfolding, and curiosity. Simply said the desire for this project comes from this certain space within me, something I wrote about in my diary a while ago:
There are so many simple & effective tools that can help people grow, get empowered faster and become more resilient. Talk therapy is great but also a slow process. If I’d known then to use these tools alongside psychotherapy (or in some phases actually in stead of it!) I would have reached a better place much much sooner.
I see Soft Realm as a space for self-healing (I don’t love those buzzwords but language is so limited) and self-actualisation, where science meets poetry and empowerment begins with clarity of mind, and deep connection to the body.
To pursue our wildest dreams, live fully, and be in community in meaningful ways, we need to be able to come close to our personal optimal energy range, have access to self-soothing practices, and to mental clarity. Achieving this requires a clear vision, our most healthy bodies, sharp minds, and systems that support us.
With Soft Realm I want to share a collection of tools that have helped me: neuro-scientific insights, poetic detours, self-healing methods, ways of play + creativity, better communication and deeper connections - with ourselves and our communities. It’s all about giving you the resources to thrive, not just survive.
This is our little space to explore new rhythms, new routes, and new ways of being - designed to help you unlock your personal shape of potential and reconnect with what truly matters.
Without a solid foundation, you can never build the palace you deserve
When your foundation is compromised - whether due to stress, trauma, or other external or internal pressures - you may not even realise you might be on the brink of collapse.
Burn out is a huge modern issue, especially for (young) women and other marginalised groups. When it stems from years of unresolved issues, triggered by recent stress, it can often take a while to feel well again.
If you’ve experienced long-term stress or childhood trauma, your foundation might need rebuilding.
Sometimes we need a deep reset, break with our past, kill our darlings, re-evaluate if our dreams are actually ours, let go of toxic dynamics or situations and focus on ourselves as much as possible.
My own life has been one where dark shadows and blinding light loved to dance together. As a model, I traveled the world, lived in stunning cities, and embraced unforgettable experiences. But behind the scenes, I was silently struggling.
From an early age I endured trauma, facing abuse and destructive relationships. At 21, I found myself in an eating disorder clinic after a 4 year long relationship marked by violence and control. I lost most of my friends because we weren’t informed about mental health and abusive relationships in the ways we all are now.
Despite this I pushed forward in my career. But between 2017 and 2020, I hit a wall: burnout, poor health choices, poor relationship choices, panic attacks and ultimately even a suicide attempt that I kept a secret for most of my community. This all showed me I had crossed too many personal boundaries.
I had to reset my life multiple times after this. It wasn't until my third reset that I truly understood the importance of embodiment - the need to reconnect with my body to heal fully.
This journey taught me that without addressing the stored emotions and trauma within, no amount of mental work could offer the lasting change I was seeking.
I’ve learned a tremendous amount in the past 7 years so I want to share the many tools I’ve gathered in my toolbox, hoping they open the door to thriving for others.
For anyone that has experienced long term stress, or anything of the above, here is a little introduction to a small selection of tools I used to rebuild my broken foundation. Hopefully this plants some seeds for your thriving journey, and I will talk deeper about all of them in the near future.
Reset your body: Regulate your nervous system, release stored stress and trauma to reconnect with the deeper parts of yourself that have been buried. Somatic movement, self-massage, dry brushing (heaven !!), a daily full-body stretch routine, seeing a shiatsu practitioner or simply doing box breathing throughout the day are just a few tools to help with regulation. I’ll share deep dives into all of them.
Clear your mind: Declutter your physical and digital spaces. Organise and throw away anything you no longer need or want.
Reflective journaling: this is less about recording daily events and more about examining patterns, processing emotions, and understanding your inner world on a deeper level. It can help you understand the “why” behind your actions, helping you recognise unconscious habits, beliefs, or emotional triggers. Over time, this builds deeper self-awareness and provides clarity for making more intentional decisions.
Expression journaling as medicine for tension and stagnation: Use expression journaling to cope with overwhelm. Choose a time of day that works best for this. Just write down everything that comes to mind, be messy, feel all feelings, no need to make sense. I do this in the morning after heavy dreams, or in the evening after a day of overwhelm.
Create your North Star Vision: If life was a video game where everything was possible, what would your dream life look like? Your dream day? Dream people? Dream energy levels? Script it all in detail and create a vision board. Then chop it into small action steps to move forward.
Let your body be your compass: Without self trust and self respect, it is hard to move into the right direction. Start taking every sense seriously. Self-trust starts within the body. Thirsty? Drink water immediately after noticing. You don’t like a smell or a sensation? You don’t have to endure it, you can move away from it as well and you’ll connect deeper with yourself by doing so. Light’s too bright or too dark? Adjust it. Feel uneasy when someone is around? Listen to what your body is telling you, and communicate your boundaries. Learn choosing your comfort over social expectations. Especially if you are a people pleaser, live often in a FAWN response and/or have endured sexual abuse, these tiny adjustments can have huge effects on your life.
Reflect on how you treat yourself: Are you treating yourself like your best friend or your own daughter? Do the same reflection on how others treat you - would that treatment be okay for your daughter or best friend?
Reflect on how you show up for others: In what ways is it easy for you to show up? Where is it more challenging? How can you improve if needed? Please don't be too hard on yourself if you're going to a difficult time, or if you find yourself in a healing season where more isolation or more of being cared for feels needed. Whenever your cup is filled again, you can fill others' cups so much better.
Install a promise-keeping practice (thank you
): Even in small ways, this practice is powerful. It builds self-trust, restores a positive self-image, and frees up mental space for energy to flow and expand. Learn not to overpromise to yourself, it sets you up for failure and we want to set ourselves up for feeling proud. This way, you can overdeliver and fill your bucket with positive feelings of self-worth instead of negative ones when promises are broken. Start small, then find your edge: the perfect balance between a list that’s too long and one that’s not enough.Celebration practice: One of the most powerful tools in my toolbox. Personally, I experience tension around the word "gratefulness," so I prefer using "celebration." Something I’ve learned from Pea the Feary. Celebrate everything you love, admire, are proud of, or are in awe of! Brag to yourself about the good things in your life! Write it down at least once a day for best effects :)
Shadow work: This might be the most potent potion for healing and thriving work for me. In (very!) short it’s about embracing all parts of you, even the ones that are hurt, angry, unreasonable, messy, etc. and make a habit of engaging in conversation with them. Shower them with love, understanding, and give them the information they are lacking in order to grow. This might be hard to understand in 2 sentences, I’ll make sure to share lots and lots about this!
Embrace awe and wonder: Learn how to be in awe at least 51% of the time so the universe can shower you with little treats and big transformational gifts. Look up, look around.
Move your body: I always say to people to that before you go on anti depressants, make sure to do this first 1. Move your body at least 5 times a week for one hour 2. Drink 2,5L of water a day 3. Stop drinking alcohol. These simple things make a huge difference in happy hormones, but are so underrated. Dance in your living room! Exercise! Stretch! Free yourself from bad posture and a weak core, practice openness in your posture while walking outside. I know it's challenging, but life is so much better that way!
Assess your current systems: Are they still working for you? Where do you need improvement? Are you open to new systems? The easiest way to notice is to take note whenever you feel tension, especially if it doesn’t go away after addressing it with your current systems. Reflection journaling will also show you your own patterns.
Commit to somatic movement: If you don’t feel safe in your body or environment, practice somatic movement every day for at least 30 days. I swear, you will experience sensations of deep relief, extended relief, or even being in a state of relief and lightness. Emotions will come up, that is the point of it. During this practice, avoid HIIT training, cold plunges, scary movies, hot yoga, or extreme heavy weightlifting, as these can disrupt the process.
Thank you for reading this far.
With this space, I hope to build a beautiful community for survivors and other people that are drawn to modern rituals, self-empowerment and self-actualisation (and after this letter I will never use those terms again, I promise! lol).
By embracing vulnerability, I aim to connect with those who have walked similar paths.
Beyond that, I aspire to inspire by sharing meaningful ways of living and insights from both myself and others, offering them to anyone who feels a connection.
If it resonates, please share this space with the people you love.
xoxo
Romy - Soft Realm
Björk Apartment Project was designed by Filip Kulčar and visualised by Metod Kulčar. Project represents the conceptual design of an apartment located in Ljubljana, Slovenia.